Hey kids, it's auntie Erika.
Just wanted to share with you my methods to deal with problems.
Different alternatives, for different types of people.
NOTE: This aren't ways to solve them, just ways so you can forget about them for a minute, seeing as sometimes there's nothing you can do about it, but wait.
1. The Paris Hilton Method: Put the problem aside and go do something fucking superficial. So superficial, it makes you want to slap yourself.
But, now, ladies, really though...Don't we feel awesome with a pair of new shoes?
As superficial as it sounds, every girl loves to shop, even if it's for clothes, or pencils, or ...socks.
Example 1: stressed about school? Go shopping.
Example 2: your boyfriend being a bitch? Go to a spa.
Example 3: your best friend is irritating you? Go out with another friend, your sister, mother, whatever, go shopping, buy yourself a latte macchiato and walk down the street like you don't give a beep about anything or anyone.
In other words: spend money.
2. The Ben&Jerry Method: Eat chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. I go for Ben & Jerry's, but that's just me. Just sounded like a cool name. Put on your sweatpants and give yourself a lazy day. Hire movies with sexy guys in them, like Lords of Dogtown or The Notebook. Whatever floats your little boat. Sit on the couch...and most important, DON'T MOVE FROM IT.
It's all part of the therapy, baby. Next day you'll feel brand new. At least I do.
Or sleep. Read a book. Stay in bed. All day.
Yes, my methods are based on lazyness. It works for me.
More active methods:
4. The-Go-Party-And-Drink-All-Night-Method: drink...lots and lots of vodka. Perhaps you'll even have the guts to spill out everything you're building up inside. Because, after all, you're too drunk to think straight, so you won't be bothered. Stay up until 9 in the morning. Next day you'll be too hungover to even remember why you were so upset.
Plus: you might even meet hot guys.
5. The Roadtrip Method: get in your car...and drive. Get away of your problem. Just drive...
For those poor students without cars: bike. Walk. Metro. Train. Whatever.
Get as far away as you can from what's bothering you.
6. The I Don't Give A Fuck Method: do something unbelievably random people will think you have a mental illness. For those uncreative people, some examples.
* Get something new, like dye your hair, get a tattoo, piercing.
PS: permission of parents required for minors.
* Learn how to play the ukelele. Or the didgeridoo.
* Ride a scooter in the mall, very fast. Or ride off a hill with a skateboard - not knowing how to skate.
I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR INJURIES, FINES OR LOSS OF DIGNITY.
* Ask a cop if you can drive in their car with handcuffs on and the sirene on. Look upset.
* Commit a crime and drive in a their car with handcuffs on and the sirene on. Look upset.
* Get your friends to hire you a midget stripper.
* Go to a crowded place, invent whatever talent comes to mind and perform. As sucky as you were; ask for money. Bring friends to give you a standing ovation afterwards. Huge ego boost, I tell you.
* Get into a moshpit. Stagedive. Crowd surf. Moon someone.
7. The God-Are-You-There?-Method: pray. It always works to tell someone your issues, especially the all time creator. And if there's a God out there (I'm sure there is), He will probably help you out.
Trust me, if THIS can't get your mind off your issues, then you seriously have a problem.
Erika.
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